If you are uncomfortable today because you’ve been hurt, you aren’t alone. Often times, the day-to-day steps that led to you feeling hurt in your relationship were subtle enough that maybe you didn’t even notice them. Now, you wonder how to re-ignite the passion in your marriage. You want to let go of the pain of the past that keeps you from fully embracing love today. You know you deserve more, but something inside of you or something about him keeps you from truly achieving the happiness you always wanted. The answer lies in turning your joyful GPS system back on.
Today I’d like to get you thinking about that process and how to start believing again. It starts with looking at what happened as that ended up with you letting go of what you know you want and deserve. Let me begin with an example.
If you read this post, you know that my tiny 7 year old daughter believed she could ride rodeo bulls.
To be honest, I knew that belief would pass since I was quite steeped in the the practical, sensible, day-to-day duties of “real life.” I was mired in the details of what we should have for dinner, when I would get the laundry done, how much homework my kids needed to do on a given day, whether I will get to work on time, and (most stressful) how to appease a difficult spouse. I did not have time for dreams that distracted me from the practicalities of surviving on a daily basis. Maybe you understand this struggle because it’s the life you’re living right now?
Finding the answers to how to get your dreams back can be so difficult because other things take priority. But here’s the question: When will you decide to take the steps toward living a life is that is more than daily drudgery? How can you begin to dream again and create a life that is more in line with what you imagined it to be? How can you get the love you know you deserve?
It starts with rekindling feelings. Your motivation must come from feeling good, happy, optimistic and excited. How do you do that when you are feeling stuck?
Like this. Think about your childhood dreams. What did you imagine romance would look like?
When you give yourself absolute permission to dream wildly, it will be that much easier for you to find the path to your true happiness. Even if your happiness takes two. One person can influence a relationship toward growth, revitalization and mutual happiness. I’ve seen it many times.
First you have to set your intention in the right direction. Think about the GPS system in your car. To get somewhere, you need to first input your destination. Then, you follow the directions and end up where you wanted to go. What if you make a wrong turn? Simple. You go back, figure out where the mistake happened, strategize next steps and begin the course correction. Fortunately, your GPS system guides you along the way to correct your course.
Directing your life toward the love you deserve is the same process. What you need is to turn on your joyful GPS system.
Ask yourself these question: What are my relationship dreams? How much of my dream is reality today? When did I stop believing in the love I imagined?
Do this. Get a journal. Go back to your childhood. Write down your childhood fantasies. Remember.
Once upon a time, I believed that my dolls were really alive. They knew me. They understood the words I said to them. They interacted with me, albeit silently. And I was the best mother in the world! I took the time to love, to nurture, to play.
My childhood dreams also included me as a prima ballerina. I believed I had the grace and talent to be the most famous ballerina in the universe! I went to see the Nutcracker Suite with my family and knew it was my destiny to be Clara.
I saw Camelot in a live theater production and dreamed of my Sir Lancelot.
All of these things were in my future. I knew my life could follow the feelings of peace, confidence and love I felt as “the best mother in the world,” the feelings of grace, beauty and talent I felt as a “prima ballerina,” and the love, joy and companionship I felt imagining my life as Gwenevere. In spite of my childhood dreams, I eventually learned the “realities:” that prima ballerinas aren’t 6-feet tall, that Camelot is just a land someone made up, and that I would face the heartache of infertility.
Did realities like these cause me to stop dreaming? Does it have to happen that way? Couldn’t I have held on to those dreams and still pursued them tenaciously? Maybe I could have been the first 6-foot tall prima ballerina. Maybe Camelot could have been created in my own life. Maybe infertility blocked my path to biological parenthood, but I needn’t stop my dreams of being a mother.
Here’s what I know. Holding on to the feelings has led me to these realities:
- I’ve found the love of my life and share a delightfully happy, healthy marriage
- I’m embracing the role of “grandma” to my step-daughter’s new baby
- I’m living with grace and beauty as I navigate life’s ups and downs
What is important is this: Your dreams are your GPS. Your GPS will remind you of the peace, confidence and love you need to believed in before the wrong turns led to where you are sitting today.
They can and will guide you to where you truly want to be. Reawaken those joyful hopes and your path toward improving your current situation comes within reach because you believe that this is possible. Once you believe, taking the concrete steps toward change become much, much easier.
Ready to awaken your joyful GPS system that leads you back to the love you deserve? Work with Tamara to grab the healthy love you truly deserve. Click “schedule” below to see available times for your free 30 minute consultation.
© Tamara Bess, LMFT 2016 All Rights Reserved. Any use of this article without Tamara’s express written permission is prohibited.