Digging through that proverbial pile looking for the pony can feel like an overwhelming task. Ladies and Gentleman, here is a pure bread pony that deserves a watch.
One of my biggest challenges as a victim was trying to make sense of my situation. I had no experience, exposure, or education on what domestic abuse or violence was much less the information I felt I needed to discern whether I was in one of “those” relationships or I just sucked at relationships period. One would assume it should be easy to realize if one is an abusive relationship and certainly when one has allowed it to become violent.
On the heels of the recent Stephen A. Smith debacle, I present to you the above report on Domestic Abuse and Violence. One of the first topics discussed is the fact that victim blaming, as was done by Smith, is one of the number one contributors to victims staying in violent and abusive relationships. Our well meaning society, in an effort to be objective, often unwittingly supports victim blaming.
The other issue that was brought up early on is what Domestic Abuse and Violence is really about. A common myth, one supported by our judicial system, is that it is an anger management issue on the part of the abuser. This simply is not true. The truth is, Domestic Violence and Abuse is about Power and Control hence, the Power and Control Wheel (can be downloaded from this page) not Anger Wheel. Worse than the wide spread belief that an abuser has anger management issues is the way that our judicial system supports it. In many places when and if a permanent restraining order is put in place, it is still the standard to court order a 52 week anger management course. If anger and intimidation are a tool for control, then an abuser has just been ordered to attend a 52 week course on how master anger to control his victim. What is needed is a Batterer Intervention Program. Unfortunately, these can be difficult to come by if any at all in some counties.
I was profoundly impressed by the explanation of the Honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence. So many people as why a victims stays, which this report adequately addresses, but one of the major components is the Honeymoon Phase. There is no time limit or text book length of time this phase lasts. It varies from victim to victim. But like a soothing drug this phase is administered to the relationship as needed, for as long as it is needed, to maintain control.
As a survivor and advocate, I strongly recommend that if you are family member of a victim, a friend of a victim, or a member of society where you may have to interact with a victim, watch this video. Be proactive in educating yourself on an epidemic that is still struggling for solutions in our country and still has a long way to go before it is under some sort of reasonable management. You may not be directly tied to victim, but I can assure you, if you live in the United States, you are being affected.
Domestic Abuse and Violence is everybody’s problem.