It took years for me to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, that I was a victim of Domestic Violence. I know that hitting is not okay, nevertheless, I hoped my abuser would realize this and change. Classic. This is the hope many victims hang on to. I learned this is the wrong approach. In fact, it is this very hope that was keeping me tethered to an abusive relationship.
I scoured the internet for months looking for consistent information that would take away my doubt, tell me definitively, once and for all, to get out. I looked for some outside resource to tell me to leave instead of listening to myself to tell me to leave. I kept looking to everyone and everything else for answers because I didn’t know how to trust my own judgment anymore. My greatest fear was finding the strength to leave and just repeating the same mistake with another person.
In an ocean of scattered information, what was missing? What was the magic answer to healing myself and keep from repeating my pattern?
Listening to Tamara’s maiden post about who she is, what she does, and why she does it was brilliant. It is also what is missing. In a quick twenty minutes she conversationally explores her own experience of having been a victim as well as a therapist. She tells us about her most significant discovery and how that led her to a path of inner healing to break her own cycle…for good. Tamara gives clarity to the dynamic between abusive and victim thinking so that it is easy to recognize no matter how it is packaged. She is gentle when exploring how we can spiritually heal ourselves in the same way our body knows how to heal a cut. Tamara gives us tools, guidance, and understanding. She leads by example.
I learned that the best motivator for leaving an abusive relationship is authentic hope for a better life through personal understanding and healing. Many of us realize that even if we do leave, if we don’t learn why we are in the relationship to begin with, we’ll be back, even if it isn’t with the same abuser.
Tamara Bess and her brand of hope is what is missing in all of the information and so called tools floating around cyber space and society. Not just for victims of Domestic Violence and Abuse but, for anyone who finds that their “thinking” is compatible with abusive thinking. Her insight, education, and understanding is the way out and to stay out. I am living proof.