Jenn’s Story: Part VI: Searching for Clues

“Within just over a month, he made it to where I had to quit. Suddenly my truck was “having mechanical issues.” I was using his truck for the job due to the hour drive, and his got better gas mileage. Since I didn’t get home till 9am. I had to quit.

Out of work again. Burned both bridges at the base. Now my truck has been sold. I have no vehicle. When this started I had 2.

I was stuck. No money. At his mercy. Things were getting worse. Yes, worse.”

If you were to sit in a room full of victims and listen to their stories, this would be a common theme. It is as if trying to leave has a barb on it like a fish hook. The more a victim struggles to leave the deeper it goes. If we try to reverse out, we surely take a severe chunk of flesh with us. So many of us see no option but to try to push through. But, we learn that this solution can have worse results than just ripping out in reverse.

“We were notified that another female was coming forward. “Jane” knew that she’d never stand a chance against him since he was so well regarded by others. She’d heard about the current Court’s Martial and decided she could finally speak up about her assault. Forceable sodomy. Valentine’s Day of 2005, just 6 days before I met him…He tried to commit suicide”

A common tactic for abusers, when the kitchen starts to heat up, is to take the focus off of what the are responsible for and re-direct. The easiest form of re-direction is to make themselves look like a victim instead. It is quite ordinary for them to suddenly claim to be suicidal when their destructive behavior is about to be exposed in order to gain sympathy, minimizing the effects of their abuse on others. Yet, at the same time, they will continue to manifest their abusive behavior in other ways…

“…A few weeks later, we had fleas…Mind you, he blamed my cats for these fleas. Even though they were treated and bathed regularly and had for the past year….never had fleas. One evening he lost it. Practically threw me out of the house after 10pm to go get flea products from WalMart. A 1 hour round trip just for the drive…When I returned home, my cats were nowhere to be found…He and a friend/neighbor had been doing something very bad at nite. They were poisoning the stray animals with anti-freeze laced food…I stayed up all nite waiting for Bugg and Moodie-Blues to return. Only Bugg did…On the 3rd day, as we drove into the driveway, there [Moody-Blues] was perched on a camping chair…Two day before Valentine’s Day, I had to put her down. Renal failure due to ingestion of anti-freeze.”

Abusers generally don’t relegate their abuse to only the human species. If you are in a relationship and your partner is abusive towards animals this is a crimson red flag. It is an example of their complete disregard and disrespect for life. Also, not always, but the majority of the time, if an abuser is abusive to animals their abusive behavior is usually advanced and violent in its full expression.

Do you see how mysterious and beautiful chaos can appear?

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