Jenn’s Story: Part V: Searching For Clues

It just keeps getting worse for victims… like a barbed hook.

“See, one night “John” tried to pimp me out to “Brian.” Saying they shared everything when they were in Misawa, Japan. “Brian” didn’t like this idea, either. He tried for hours to rationalize with a drunken “John.”

This is a very common form of sexual abuse that occurs at this stage in an Abusive or Violent relationship. It mirrors the lack of respect that an abuser has for his victim. If there was ever a time that an abuser had any respect for his victim it generally degrades as time goes on and can be witnessed by how sever the abuse becomes.

This particular type of sexual abuse, “pimping out”, is common in exchange for favors, drugs, anything of value. It also demonstrates to the victim that she is just an object not a person. Her feeling are inconsequential. Also, this demonstrates the abusers power over the victim.

“I went to the room. I sat on the bed, dressed. Listening to “Brian” trying to reason with “John.” I was being called “trailer trash” & “whore” and he said “go in there man, I’m telling you it’s the best fuck you’ll ever have.”

I will pause here for a moment to illuminate a common thought process that occurs when a victim experiences the above moment. Jenn has been isolated to a room where she is listening to an undesirable event unfold in which she is powerless to defend herself. She has no say, at the moment, in what is being decided about her body. This can cause deep emotional and psychological trauma.

On top of any thoughts she may be having about this, she is listening to a man that she should be able to intimately trust berate and degrade her to another person. This can cause, what could be described as, a mental paralysis. There is such a contradiction in ideal and reality, everything positive  that has been said in the past and what is currently being said; one may choose to deny the event is happening at all.

On top any thoughts that she may be having about being powerless and degraded, there is the added breach of intimate trust. Being sexually bragged about, can be for some, a somewhat embarrassing compliment. Under the best of circumstances this can be thought of as a breach of trust with an intimate partner. Under the worst of circumstances it is definitely a breach of trust. On any other day, in a different context, having your partner confirm that you are the “best fuck [one] will ever have…” could be a boost. But, in this context, this “compliment” is being thrown around like she was a cheap whore. This can also be a difficult concept to reconcile when compiled with the previously mentioned issues.

“The base guards had talked me into getting my guard card and gun license. I could go from minimum wage to $20/hr. I saw ample opportunity to not only get a good job skill, but plenty of money to escape. So I did. Took a week off of work, took my paycheck to class and got certified.

Got denied that job because of the ongoing investigation to “John.”

Again, Mr. Smith’s life is effecting Jenn’s ability to function. This adds to the feeling of being trapped, a sense of powerlessness, and an overall lack of control over one’s life… To reiterate:

This is why victims don’t just leave…

Do you see how mysterious and beautiful chaos can appear?

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