Rinse, lather, wish I hadn’t repeated…”
This was on the days that went smoothly. If they didn’t go smooth, which there was never an indicator for the “tornado” days, then insert a borage of insults toward me, verbal abuse, mental abuse and behind closed doors….sexual assault and rape.
Let me invite you in to one of the “not so smooth” days. He’d come home from work, and get his beer. Things would seem to be normal. Then a few hours in, his usual drunken state, suddenly he’d become a monster. He’d pull out the bleach and soak the linoleum and start mopping. Telling me what a “pig” and “trailer trash” I was. That the floor “had not been cleaned since the last time he did it.” While he was mopping, telling me how “worthless” I was, that “my being there had no use.”
Whenever I fought back and said “you’re just drunk, being mean” or “you saw me mopping the floor today when you came home during lunch”, he’d say “I never saw that, liar” or “what are you gonna do about it?”, “you think I’m being mean? Leave. No one will miss your trailer trash ass. No one will give a shit.” One point I’d had enough. I’d told him “one of these days, you’re gonna say that one too many times, and I will leave.” His response, “you’ll never leave. You’ll never leave me. You’re hooked. You can’t leave me.”
There were threats made to me that if I don’t shut my mouth, mind my P’s & Q’s, he’d call the base police and have me thrown off the base. WITHOUT MY PROPERTY, OR MY CATS. That “by the time I got proof anything was mine, he’d throw it all out and by the time I got the paperwork for my cats showing they’re mine…they’d be dead.”
I was officially a “hostage.”
I was stuck. Saw no way out. I never knew when he’d be home during lunch, so I couldn’t pack my things. It was a 2 trip deal back to my father’s. He’d catch me. He also had friends watching me. He knew when I went to the store. When I went outside to water the lawn, or get something from my truck. He was right, I was useless at this point.
People just loved him to death. Thought he was the Ruler De Supreme. They worshipped all that was him. Anything he said was Law of God to them. No one saw what I saw. No one would hear me, they’d run straight to him. I was alone.
But wait. You ask where my friend “Mike” is? Well, he had to separate himself from me. He was my shoulder, my confidant. Though I was very careful in what I said to him. He never knew any of that stuff. Just knew I was unhappy. He’d be on patrol and see me outside, we’d stand in the carport for a few minutes talking. I never ever invited him in. Remember, I was being watched. He even knew the days “Mike” visited me, and for how long. Though neither of us ever saw anyone watching us. “John” accused me of sleeping with “Mike” several times. Said his friends “saw me take him in the house. We were just friends. A talk here, a laugh there, then he went back on patrol. “John” invited him one day to go fishing with us. I think that was the last time I hung around with “Mike.” He was a very intuitive man. He saw the looks “John” would throw at me. He listened to the way he talked to me. After a few phone conversations….”Mike” disappeared. When we reconnected close to my leaving in April of 2006, he told me that he couldn’t watch me go through what I was and be a good friend at the same time. He cared too much. We’re still friends to this day. Much love goes out to that man!