The Unreported and The Silent
A quick 300-500 word note. The Sisters blog primarily focuses on women as the victims of Domestic Abuse/Violence and men as the abusers. This is because, statistically, female victims far out weigh male victims. Also, I can’t presume to understand the male perspective, but I am pretty solid on my own story. My sisters are, well, female as well. So there you have it.
That said, I do not want this to disenfranchise any male victims or male readers. There are a couple of strong reasons: 1. There are so many unreported cases of male victims that it could put a whole new perspective on the topic and 2. I have mentioned before that many of us are raising boys to be men and have yet to really learn how prolonged exposure to an abusive or violent relationship has effected them. So, in the very near future, I will be doing a series on the effects of Domestic Abuse/Violence on children.
I can tell you that generally speaking, it affects boys in one of two ways. If a boy identifies with the victim then there is a very strong likelihood that he may become passive in an effort to not repeat the patterns of the abuser. As a man he finds himself vulnerable to abusive women who will take advantage of his passive nature, thus placing himself in an abusive relationship. The other road we are all too familiar with is when a boy identifies with the abuser.
If the boy feels that the victim can’t protect him then a common alternative is to seek protection through the approval of the abuser. He may do whatever he can to gain favor with the abuser even if that means victimizing the victim. Often times this is where a boy grows into a man taking with him learned values that devalue women and partners. At some point they are no longer a victim, but choose to be an abuser.
It is my hope that the former group of beautiful and amazing men will someday learn that allowing themselves to be abused is not the answer to distancing themselves from their abusers. These are the men we are looking for, that choose non-violent options, to resolve their issues. These are the men that will teach a younger generation about respect. If this blog can help support that, then I am all for giving this issue a voice.