Jenn’s moving and powerful story will be posted in a series of parts. I applaud her courage to be raw and honest about a dynamic that is complex and difficult to understand. In spite of this thousands of women find themselves stuck in its trap year after year… Enjoy the read…
Momentary lapse of…everything
The story I’m about to tell you is not for me to derive sympathy from you. I, like many others, make mistakes. I learn from them, move on, and figure out how to never…ever…never make them again.
I’ve never told anyone the full disclosed story. Bits. Pieces. I’ve made “jokes” about this part of my life. But truth is, until now, I’ve never told anyone what exactly happened within the walls of “behind closed doors.”
This is still an edited version of it. I will someday write a book of my life. When I do, I’ll consider giving full disclosure. Until then….
I’ve made many mistakes in my life. I’ve had several relationships that have gone wrong in one horrifying way or another. Hell, I’m almost 40, I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t. Truth be told, chances are, so would you.
This WILL be a long story/read. So, go pop some popcorn. Put the kids to bed. Kiss your significant other good nite. Wrap yourself in a blanket all snug, and settle in for One of Jen’s Wild Ride’s.
This bulk of this story begins in mid December 2004, the “hostage relationship” is from February 2005 through April 2006, then continues into my being stalked well into Oct 2010. It is a situation I am not only not proud of, but still trying to this day to piece it all together and figure out how I let it happen to me. How it even happened to me. Let’s journey together, and maybe you can learn along with me.
Let’s solve a mystery.
Starting at the beginning. You’ve not seen me mention it yet but…I am a proud “step-mother” to a beautiful “step-daughter” who will be 22 end of this month. I use quotes because her father and I were never married, though we were together for a few years. I met her when she was 12 and helped raise her. Even helped her father get custody of her to live with us. On December 4th 2004, I had had enough of the twisted and mangled life we called a relationship. Living on the couch for over a year to avoid even speaking to him most times. So I left.
Having been “out of a relationship” for over a year, I was emotionally ready to move on. Only now I was living in the mountains at my father’s home. New place. No work yet. 35 miles from nearest town. Yeah, that makes for a social cocktail to envy So, I just occupied myself with the internet. Talking to friends I already had, making new ones. A virtual social life, if you will. While in a chat room (the topic escapes me at this point), I had gotten private messaged by a guy whom I had been openly conversing with for a few weeks. This went on for another few weeks. I had gotten a job by this point and was working 42 hour weekends. My days of work were Fri-Sun, and I put in a LOT of hours. So we just spoke on week days.
For this “exercise” we will call him “John Smith.” I want to leave names out of this. Especially for the sake of his children. 2 boys. We’ll call the older one “Mark” and the younger one “Steven.”
By the end of January, he was asking to meet me. Meet me? Oh, ok, think. Am I actually as ready as I thought? Yeah, why not? We finally met February 20th 2005. I traveled to where he lived, on an Air Force base in Northern California. Ok, he looked a LOT like his pictures. Good start. Though his pictures did not convey how skinny he really was. Folks I am skinny being 5’9″ and only 120# but this guy? 6’1″ and only 145#. Eh, after dating many men at this point that were a range from a few pounds overweight, to a lot on the heavy side….what’s a little bony going to hurt, right?
He was sweet, considerate, funny, divorced, and very good looking. So far, so good. He was even concerned about my welfare with my new job. I worked as a Mental Health Care Worker for a Boys Ranch for level 14 boys. I’ll go into that another time. Let’s just say, safety is a HUGE issue here. On my orientation/formal interview day, I had worn a tie and was promptly “encouraged” to remove it and put it back in my car. Huh? Oooookayyyy! I digress….