Day 145/730: Personal Growth

Why So Angry?

I am sort of, never mind, I am profoundly dumbfounded by the number of people that feel that Alanis Morssette is so very angry. They feel that she just came out of the womb pissed off at the world and has been singing about it ever since. Really?! I don’t get that all.

She may be intense…but in this tepid world of “reality” TV I think society could use intensity. For that matter they could use some real reality. Alanis never disappoints.

When I had the opportunity to read the lyrics to “Guardian” I think I cried for 3 sessions of it. There are so many phrases she uses that I have heard repeatedly by therapists in the last few months to explain why victims tend to feel…exhausted.

“Guardian” Lyrics (edited)

“You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain…You who has soldiered through the profane…”

  • The outward facade we keep so that no one is aware how desperate we are inside to make sense of what we have done to deserve the scathing remarks and treatment that tear at the fabric of our self-esteem.

“…such words were dishonorable and in vain, their promise as solid as a fog…”

  • Victims often become desperate for something verbally tangible to hold on to. Unfortunately professions of love and caring, promises of change to meet our needs, proclamations of being a better person are vaporous illusions that never hold their form for longer than a moment.

“You, you in the chaos feigning sane, you who was pushed beyond what’s humane..”

  • One of the greatest tools used is keeping a victim in chaos so that they can never find their bearings and discover what an intolerable and inhumane situation they are in. Partly out of survival and partly out of embarrassment victims convince themselves they are sane and competent in an insane situation. But the fact that they remain in a situation where they are being held under water or lifted off the floor by their neck, by its very nature, is nuts.

“…them as the ghostly tumbleweed…and where was your watchman then…”

  • It is difficult to process that the person who is doing so much damage is just a dried up, burnt out shell of what a human should be. It is so hard to fathom through the intensity of emotion, and skewed logic that their soul is nothing more than an apparition of what it once was. When there is  a flicker of acknowledgment  within a victim, for that instant we feel naked and unprotected in the face of something we feel we have no defense for. How does one fight a ghost?

“Now, no more smiling mid-crestfall, no more managing unmanageables, no more holding still in the hailstorm…”

  • This is penetratingly one of the most powerful moments of awareness; when a victim lets go and discovers that it is not her obligation or duty to create the illusion that her life is beautiful and stable when it is not, when she stops trying to give form to that which cannot be formed, when she unshackles her self from the terrifying arsenal of pain that is hurled at her on a regular basis.

“Now enter your watchwoman…”

  • This is the point of empowerment…when a victim discovers she is her own Watchwoman and should have been there the entire time for herself.

“I ‘ll be your keeper for life as your guardian, I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden, I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand the greatest honor of all as your guardian…”

  • This is a moment of enlightenment for a victim, when she learns she never has to be a victim again, she can vigilantly look after herself for the rest of her life. She can “fight the good fight” for herself and it is actually her responsibility to do so. This is her life. No one else can live it for her. Therefore, no one will be as invested in her own protection as herself. She is her personal angel on call 24/7  relying on knowledge and intuition to warn her when she is in danger. The most profound lesson in this lifetime is self-love and the responsibility that comes with that gift. It is an honor to care for, nurture, and guard the most tremendous possession we will ever own…our personal life.

* For those who are supporting, helping to rehabilitate, or trying to understand a victim, make this their anthem.

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