The truth is, I missed me too. I am as happy as my closest friends to find me again. And…I have missed all of you…dearly.
We are social creatures, we human beings. It is necessary to connect. There are some of us who choose to isolate ourselves which is OK so long as it is of our own choosing and for our own spiritual convictions. There are those of us who choose quality over quantity. Then there are those us who have isolation pressed upon us.
I am the first one to admit I am a social creature. I love to connect. But, I am a bit of a “catch and release” at times. I don’t like crowds and I don’t have throngs of friends. I am one of the quality over quantity type. The connections I do have are precious and dear to me and it was painful to let almost every one of them go…
One of the greatest tools an abuser uses is isolation. It is as confusing and heartbreaking for the victim to let go as it is for loved ones to be let go. Particularly clever abusers will go so far as to create the illusion for the victim that it was of the victim’s own free will that they isolated themselves. One of the reasons this is so effective is because the perspective of relationships starts to shift. What is, in all reality, healthy for them is now viewed as unhealthy and destructive. The further down that rabbit hole the victim goes the more rooted this idea becomes. This is a huge win for an abuser.
An abuser can almost feel safe about bringing their victims around people who would help rescue them from a living hell because if anyone of them were to try to wake the victim from their stupor, they would be viewed as an enemy. A victim, at that point, would fight against the very person who would help to give them life and freedom. Again, it’s that mirror effect, where reality is reflected backwards. They essentially confuse and repel each other. People stop reaching out to victims and victims stop wanting anyone to reach out to them to a large degree.
Happy Days! Now that I have broken free from the rushing current that gave me no time to get my bearings, I am able to spy my rocks of friendship again. I have been connecting to my perfect and individual respites. These cherished friends are physical manifestations of what I value most. They aid in reminding me of who I am. They give me history and tie me to a timeline. They help to hold me up when I am too weak to hold myself up. They inspire me. They humble me. They are all amazing examples of the human experience and there by anchor me to my human experience.
They help me to stay plugged in.
So to all of my dearest and most loved friends (that includes those that are genetically related)… I am deeply sorry for having seen you as poison, for avoiding you, and for letting go of you for so long. Despite the outward appearance I carried you all in my heart and am profoundly grateful for the reconnection.
Love to you always ~ Shannon